10 November 2013

a blog post... weird.

with the Christmas season looming around the corner, i was thinking about what i would like as gifts for christmas. i was making mental lists of what I might ask for, what I wanted to give to close friends and family, what I might indulge in for myself, and of course, daydreaming of what it would be if i received EVERY thing that I believed i needed or wanted. a huge realization flooded my thoughts. 

what would it be like to get everything you wanted?

a sickeningly-sweet syrupy feeling coated my insides. like eating too much of a rich dessert, i felt almost nauseated. the mere thought of being that impossibly spoiled left me extremely uneasy. for me, compared only to the feeling of receiving something entirely undeserved.
at first thought, i would assume that one would be elated by such an experience; to get everything you could ever want. what a thought! however, i just found myself feeling completely undeserving and unworthy of such a state. how blessed am i to be where i am? to have the friends i do? to have the knowledge of the Gospel?

i couldn't help but think of these humbled words:

the Lord is my Shepherd; no want shall I know.
I feed in green pastures; safe-folded I rest.
He leadeth my soul where the still waters flow,
Restores me when wand'ring, redeems when oppressed.

i am an incredibly blessed individual. I have an awesome job(s), super supportive family members and friends, a roof over my head, a car to get me where I need to be, and so SO much more. 'no want shall I know'. as unimaginably awesome as it may have seemed to get everything that I 'want' this year for Christmas, I can only remember the sickening feeling that would ensue if that was actually the case, and i will try harder every day to remember what I already have. because my life is kind of awesome.